As my next experiment I am going to delve further into the idea of the male gaze. I want to create an experiment where I explore if we try and make the perfect body for ourselves or if it is for others (especially males).
As a result I am going to create an experiment which will start on the 14th February and last for a full week. Throughout this experiment I am going to try and become as plain as possible. As a result I am not going to wear any make up, I am not going to wash my hair, I am only going to wear plain, baggy clothes. Essentially, I am going to stop doing anything to myself that makes me look better than what I do.
I am going to be taking video footage throughout the week and taking photos of how I look each day. As a result I am hoping to get a concrete performance idea from my findings.
I am going to look at peoples reactions to me and see how I feel doing this process. I think what is most interesting is that the experiment is going to begin on Valentines day, which is the one day I would want to feel as beautiful as possible. I think this will give me the most interesting results.
Here is my first picture which is the day before my experiment. I wanted to take this to see what I looked like when I have my hair straightened and some make up on. Here, I feel quite comfortable about how I look and feel comfortable in my own skin. We will see how the next few days go.
Day 1
So its the first day of my experiment and so far it isn't too bad It is Valentines Day so I haven't washed my hair and left it to go natural. I have kept it straight from yesterday. The first thing I thought today when I had to start the experiment was relief. I really liked that I didn't have to think about what I was going to wear. I just put some baggy plain clothes on. I also liked that it took me all of 5 minutes to get ready for Uni this morning. Although I didn't feel attractive I didn't mind it that much. I think that was because I sometimes come to Uni looking like this so it wasn't too against my social norms. On the walk to Uni I began thinking to myself, 'what is it that I do for myself and what is it that I do for others?' For example, I wear make up because it makes me feel better but the only reason it makes me feel better is because I think other people will think I look nice. If I am going to be staying in all day I won't put make up on. And the same goes for clothes, I wear clothes that I think look nice on my figure because it makes me feel good but the only reason it makes me feel good is because other people will think I look nice. There is a fine line between what we do for ourselves and what we do for others and I can't quite answer that yet.
Later on I am going out for a meal with my friends. I think this is where my experiment will really start to kick in and make me feel certain things and I am going to document that after it happens. One thing I find my self questioning is the clothes. Do I wear certain clothes to make myself feel good for others or is it that we have to wear a certain style for common curtsy. I am going to go to this restaurant in a hoody, trainers and baggy jeans and see if this gives me an answer. I think doing these things with people that are dressing up and wearing make up will provoke my feelings even more.
Here are some of the pictures from my day so far.
My Outfit
No make up and unbrushed hair
Throughout the first day of my experiment I didn't feel too bad until I went out for dinner with my friends. I started to feel a bit self conscious at what I looked like and further more did not feel very comfortable. As a result I was quite quiet and the dinner table and also left early. It really made me feel bad. I then went to meet my boyfriend for Valentines Day. I got home to get ready and I had an extra shower (because I thought it would make me feel better) I then put some tighter jeans on and a plain long sleeved top. I then looked in the mirror and felt awful. As a result I put on some tinted moisturiser and some mascara which made me feel a little bit better. I felt bad that I caved in but I couldn't cope feeling horrible on Valentines Day. On the way to my boyfriends house I saw my friends. They noticed instantly that I had a little bit of make up on which I thought was interesting.
Once I got to my boyfriends house and relaxed I didn't mind that I didn't look as dolled up as I usually would and just enjoyed myself.
Day 2
I played netball today so turned up in my kit with no make up on and my hair tied up. This wasn't that unusual for me and didn't bother me too much. However when I met my team mates one person stroked my face and said I looked like a 'baby face'. I found myself constantly explaining to everyone why I didn't have make up on because I felt so uncomfortable.
When I got back from netball me and all my friends went out. We go out every Wednesday to the Union for the sports night. I am the social secretary of the netball club and so have to run a weekly session full of girls. Yesterday was extremely intimidating for me, having everyone look at me throughout the night. I started the evening telling them all why I wasn't wearing make up and no-one really said anything after that. When I went to the toilet and saw myself in the mirror my confidence fell so I just went back upstairs and tried to enjoy the night. I ended up leaving a lot earlier than everyone else that night because I didn't feel very comfortable. No-one said anything to me except one of my male friends as I was leaving. He asked me why my hair was so frizzy tonight. It made me feel rubbish and I just wanted to go home. Although I felt self conscious doing the no make up thing it wasn't a constant thing always on my mind and maybe this is something to think about.
My overall emotions for this day was pretty low.
Day 3
Today I haven't really been doing much and so have been in the house wearing tracksuit bottoms and a big t shirt. However, my friends have gone out and I decided I didn't want to go because I couldn't deal with another night where I felt uncomfortable and had to explain myself for how I looked.
Day 4
So far today I have been in Uni all day and I am really starting to hate this experiment. I keep seeing myself in the mirror and think how horrible I look. It's not so much that I look ugly but more that I feel I look scruffy and people will look at me and think I don't really care what I look like. This experiment was to help me see that it doesn't matter what people think but the more I do it the more I get self conscious. I have just looked in the mirror in the Library toilets and see that my face looks unclean. I have extremely dry lips and dry skin around my nose and an eye lash half way down my face. The dry lips are because of the no make up thing. Because I have stopped wearing make up I have forgotten to take me Vaseline out with me and now my lips are dry and stinging a lot. I am feeling extremely negative about the experiment. I thought I would get some ideas out of it and all in all I don't really have anything. I'm just hoping something comes out of the experiment because I don't want it to be a waste of time.
Day 5
Today has been an interesting day for me. I am a volunteer at the olympics this year and this morning I had my first day of training. This morning when I woke up at 7.15 I looked in the mirror and saw how tired and pale I looked and so I decided to put a bit of make up on. One reason was because I didn't want to go to the event looking scruffy when I had to meet my new colleagues for the summer and another reason was because I knew it would help me with my confidence. Throughout this experiment I have noticed that my confidence has been very low. I find myself sitting quietly listening to conversations and not really wanting to get involved. I knew this experiment would affect me quite predominantly but I did not think it would affect me in the way it has done. I began thinking this morning when I was getting ready that me not wearing make up was always going to make me feel uncomfortable. Wearing make up and doing your hair enhances your assets and so when you don't wear these things you're bound not to feel as good. I never really thought about it like that before until today and it has started to become a bit more clear to me. I realised girls should wear make up and girls and boys should do their hair, they should wear nice clothes but this should be done in order to make YOURSELF feel good. As long as we do these things to make ourselves feel good then we're ok. When we think of how females are portrayed in films this is for other peoples pleasure and has rubbed off on people in the real world. People shouldn't do things to impress others but should only be happy with themselves. It has really amazed me how wearing make up and nice clothes etc fills me with a lot more confidence. I only wish every female could do my experiment to see what it feels like and realise the reaction they get from others is no different but the way YOU feel is. This has made me realise it is all about ME.
I didn't wear too much make up but just a little to make me feel as though I looked smart and presentable.
